Well, here it is.
Title: Manifest Destiny
Writer's Style: Kipling--Poetry
Warnings: Muggle-bashing. Mention of character death, Unforgivables, and squicky pairings. Gen.
Rating: No higher than K+, I think.
When the Minister of Magic goes to meet with the PM,
The latter hides and cringes for he greatly fears the man
Whose news bodes ill for all of those who without magic live
And the PM knows that Shacklebolt will never mercy give.
And in New York, or Stockholm—we really aren't sure which—
Each member of the UN, 'twixt his shoulders feels an itch.
As wands are pointed at them, not the Uzis once expected,
And Imperius is cast upon each delegate elected.
And when the horrid news has reached the U.S President,
He quickly learns just why the Law of Secrets has been rent.
For Magic now has had enough of the so-called Muggle 'peace'
And hexes will be placed on them that will never be released.
For the wizards that remain-ed, post the Boy-Who-Lived's defeat,
Took a census of survivors upon old Hogsmeade's heath,
Arithmancy, runes, and scrying all gained the same reply:
If Muggles were not rein-ed in, all Magic left would die.
"Tis Muggles who pollute the air, who burn old dinosaurs,
care not that Others die away while H. mundanus soars.
"No More!" cry all the Beings as they conjure up a plan
To take away the reigns of Earth from despoiling Muggle Man.
And once again old Voldemort took up the Wand of War,
And focused all his efforts on what he should have done before.
For immortality means naught if no one's left to rule,
And Riddle's boy was many things, but he never was a fool.
And the wizards that remain-ed, he sent to all the world,
And at what they did to Muggles, old Grindle would have hurled.
At first the Muggles were outraged, then fearful, then were broken,
But finally the end did come, and the reason for it spoken.
"You Muggles are quite stubborn, in groups quite dangerous,
"Your way of life's excessive, your cities poisonous.
"This would have been acceptable," the Others said and thought,
"if you'd only taken care of the messes that you wrought.
"But you are not the only ones who live upon this Earth
And since you have shown that you do not appreciate its worth,
We say it's time we Others do take the Muggles' place,
And restore we will, no matter what, our Mother Earth's true grace."
"No power you may take from Earth," the hated laws do state.
"You want power, use the sun. Or from wind and water take.
"Underground is for us Goblins, we are the ones who'll mine.
"Humans must negotiate for the treasures that we find."
"Whatever land on which you live or which you sow your crops,
Bane says, "Is yours but here is where the Muggle spreading stops.
"No forest may you e'er cut down, no unbroken land may till.
"The rest is for us Others, be it marsh or field or hill."
"You may still fish the ocean, but heed you now our warning,
"You may not take so much that any species you are harming.
"Mer-people own the oceans, the rivers, lakes, and streams,
"You may not use our precious homes for dumping or latrines."
The last law is the hardest, makes the Muggles wizards hate.
But even when enacted, it almost comes too late.
"Each Muggle woman now can bear two children and no more.
Unless perchance a Muggleborn the stork flies to her door."
As was to be expected, Muggles took not these laws well,
For rightly did they know they were their way of life's death knell.
But Cruciatus sure can change the stubbornest of mind.
And when that doesn't work, well, then, Avada's close behind.
And the wizards that remain-ed, they kept their eyes alert,
And watched for any Muggleborns that Muggles might have hurt.
All magic children were brought in, and taught the wizard ways,
So they were witches through-and-through before their Hogwarts days.
The Malfoys brought in seven, to nurture at their place.
(How odd that each one seemed to bear old Lucius' face!)
Tonks and Lupin 'dopted three of Grayback's fuzzy get.
And with four puppies of their own, their family was set.
Neville married Ginny, had five children of their own,
Took in four farmers' children, to teach how magic seeds were sown.
While Luna married Draco, to everyone's surprise,
But 'neath the madness, Lucius had seen the kindness in her eyes.
The Weasleys mourn-ed Gred and Forge—George would not be left behind—
But Bill had seven children, And Charlie, he had nine.
Percy became minister, after Kings of course,
And Ron kept the Chudley Cannons, that perennial dark horse.
Pansy didn't marry—she'd been betrothed to Crabbe—
But she turned out to be the best headmistress Hogwarts had.
Millicent Zabini bore Blaise twelve brainy heirs
While Hermione and Grawp do love the single one that's theirs.
And Voldemort's retired, now that his job is done.
And wizards have the power, while wasteful Muggles now have none.
His people now are happy, their numbers have increased,
And except for those who've earned it, Avadas now have ceased.
And the wizard that remaineth with Marvolo and his snake?
The Squib-Who-Loved-the-Dark-Lord, for Lily Riddle's sake.
So Much for My Happy Ending
- Manifest Destiny